Sunday, April 14, 2013

Seeking Perfection - Finding Acceptance

A bit of a weight loss update - if this is the first weight loss post you're reading you might want to go HERE and HERE first, for the whole story. 

I have been so inspired by my friends and family who have taken on the weight loss challenge and have been so successful! --- And, it's so rewarding to hear them mention that my little story spoke to them.

In the spirit of those people I've decided to jump into the deep end and post my first 'two piece' bathing suit photo. I was waiting for my body to be a little smaller - a little tighter - a little closer to 'perfect' - Yep, 'perfect' ....

Which brings me to the theme of my post today: Seeking Perfection - Finding Acceptance.

When I decided to lose weight - I originally was giddy over the thought of losing 20lbs... that would be awesome. Never mind the fact that I actually needed to lose somewhere in the neighborhood of 80-90lbs - I didn't think that was possible.

Turns out - much to my personal surprise - it was possible. 

So, here I am closer to that big number and I find myself just as critical of my body as I was when I weighed my heaviest. Actually, I was probably happier with myself 20lbs ago... not because I thought I looked perfect - but, because I could still fantasize that perfect was POSSIBLE. Now, I'm really close to Nicole's body - and I'm having to come to terms that the 'perfect' I had envisioned just isn't possible.

I thought I would have a tight stomach and little legs - I never thought I would look down and see saggy skin and a couple rolls... I just allowed myself to fantasize that something almost 'impossible' was possible. Perfection.

That leaves me with - what?

Anger, regret, a promise to be a gym rat until I see the 'perfect' I was aiming for (eyes rolled) .... or....

A choice.

A choice to drown in all that's wrong - or to celebrate the accomplishment and ACCEPTING the body that comes with it.

So this new 'love your body' and 'celebrate your accomplishment' sounds like a really good plan.... then BAM

Enter swim suit shopping.

Here comes the trip to Mexico - and I've decided to go with a one piece because I'm just so darn uncomfortable in anything else. I tried on a couple two pieces - turned in the mirror, in horror, and thought - OMG. NO.

I found this amazing one piece that's crocheted and beautiful - (and expensive) - my parents bought it for me .... and I love it. (I actually might wear it everywhere because it's probably the nicest thing in my closet at the moment)

But, I had worked so hard - I wanted to put on that two piece and say, HA! I did it. I achieved my impossible. So, what did I need to do - I needed to accept. Accept that I'm not perfect and that these stretch marks and saggy skin isn't going anywhere (as much as I would like it to) ... it's here to stay.

So, while at Costco the other day with my Dad I saw some two piece bathing suits for CHEAP (love Costco). I bought a couple (just for kicks) ... came home, tried them on, showed my family... and came out of it thinking..... this is for ME. I don't care that I'm probably 20lbs too heavy.... (OR maybe I'm not)... It's just the satisfaction that I've come so far and darn it - I'm wearing it. AND, I'm posting a picture - not just because I said I would (in the first post) HERE. But, because, maybe it's an opportunity to inspire people and to show that maybe 'perfect' isn't possible.... but, 'pretty good' IS!

AND, somewhere along the way to 'pretty good' you'll realize that 'pretty good' is perfect enough.

It's a journey - and it's not over. I hope that if you take anything away from my posts - it's that - anything is possible. ONE. CHOICE. AT. A. TIME.

Ok - I know I have to show a 'before' if I'm showing an 'after' 


Who would have thought that this was possible ?!?

(excuse the self portrait - I'll have something more beach appropriate after vacation :) ... and hopefully I'll add a bit of a tan to the mix :) 

I hope that you know ... it's possible. 



  1. You GO girl! So happy for you, you look amazing!

  2. You are AWESOME, and INSPIRING and you look FABULOUS! You should be so proud of all that you have accomplished. I love your cute new swimsit. It looks great on you! Show yourself off girl!! You have earned it! <3

  3. These posts are SO INSPIRING! I am in the middle of a health reboot myself and it's hard to think that getting anywhere near what I looked like 30lbs ago is even possible, yet like you said, even if/when I get back to that point I'll still be wondering why I hate my body so much. Why women are programmed to have body issues, I have no idea. But seeing this post gives me hope that when I DO lose these 30lbs, I will be as close to perfect as I am going to be (especially after having to babies - NOTHING is perfect after that...ha!). Thank you for sharing your journey and keep it coming!!

  4. You are rocking it!!! The never ending process of working on "me". It is possible.

  5. seriously you are amazing and look amazing thank so much for sharing!!! Really thank you for being so inspiring!!! Hugs!!!

  6. You look great - more importantly is how you feel! That suit is really cute too! Enjoy your time in the sun... I'm extremely envious!

  7. Nicole, you look fantastic! I am completely inspired by your weight loss journey! Keep up the good work!

  8. Thanks for the inspiration! I've just went back and read your past posts. Wow and congrats on reaching your goals. I'm starting this journey myself this summer. It's so great to read success stories to keep me motivated. :)


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